Talking with a Parent Who Is Dying
What would you say to your mom or dad if you were told they would be dead in a matter of months? How would you spend your remaining time with them? Do you wonder what they would want from you at the end of their life? Are there things you would want to express to them before they passed away? As a mother, I sit here writing this with one part of my brain thinking, “What would I want from my kids if, say, they were in their 40s and I had just been given the news that I only had six months to live …?” Would I want them to sit...
read moreThe Science of Saying ‘I’m Sorry’
Apologies are a necessity in life. Our willingness to repair conflicts is one measure of our relationships’ depth. After all, life is filled with disagreements and issues, whether they be with people at our workplace, our children’s school or friends and family. How do we apologize to those in our lives? We want to do it successfully, in order to foster forgiveness, repair hurt feelings and truly resolve whatever the initial conflict may have been. Turns out, there’s a science to apologizing. The findings from a new set of...
read moreEmpathy and Income
In these tough economic times, it’s getting more and more challenging for any of us to feel like “giving” anything right now, whether it be money or our volunteer time. We are stressed out, overworked and fear we are heading into a “double-dip” recession (which sounds like a horrible ice-cream surprise covered in doubt and angst). We’re all tightening our belts. So why do I still feel compelled to give extra money to my housekeeper whose sister is sick, and why I am scrambling to figure out how I can do...
read moreNot Hot for Teacher!
It’s a classic story: A teenager attends the first day of school and winds up hating one of his teachers. (Can’t you just hear the angry whine of a 14-year-old telling you how this teacher is the worst teacher, mean and a difficult grader to boot?!) As he slams the door to his room, you hear him mumbling about how the teacher “hates” him, too. With their teens’ hormones raging — and peer pressure not helping to open kids’ minds to the possibility that this or that “horrible” teacher may...
read moreBetrayal, Disconnection and Deception: Tiger’s Tale
In her People Magazine interview, Elin Nordegren shared that she had no idea that her husband, Tiger Woods, had been having sex with more than 20 women in the past three and a half years. She also said that the word “betrayal” doesn’t begin to describe what her feelings were when she found out about her husband’s infidelities. I have worked with couples wherein one of them claims to have had no idea that the affairs were going on. It seems that Elin was also a victim of Tiger’s “good-guy” persona, and...
read moreSiblings: Love ‘Em or Hate ‘Em, They Make Us Who We Are
Sibling relationships are most likely the longest-lasting you’ll have in your life. We love our sibs and we absolutely hate our sibs, too! Our bonds with our brothers and sisters help define who we are in conjunction with our parental relationships. Conflicts between siblings are inevitable, because, in many ways, we are wired to compete for the attention of our parents. How parents respond to these conflicts can contribute to the success of efforts to work them out, or further entrench anger and resentment within the minds and hearts...
read moreWhen the Bond of Family is broken
How do people recover from a broken relationship (or I should say, “a break in relationship”)? This means basically that someone in the relationship has decided to walk away, totally and completely. When the ties that bind us together as a family are shredded and on the ground, what is the one left holding the pieces to do? In my practice, I’ve worked with grandparents who are estranged from their grown children and their grandchildren. The intense pain of loss, confusion and anger is at times unbearable for them. The...
read moreParents: Your Marriage Should Be Your Most Important Relationship
I am sitting here with a scowl on my face fighting with my 6-year-old because she is being annoying. She is hungry, she has already had dinner and, yes, two bowls of ice cream. I have offered her cheese, an apple and ven a fruit roll-up, which in some homes is considered dessert! She shoots me her perfecteed stink eye and is clearly not cooperating. I am tired. My husband is really tired and already asleep on the sofa with the Golf Channel on TV and his iPhone clamped in his hand. It is 8:30 on Friday night and I am so excited for my date...
read moreMel Gibson: A Racist, Misogynist and Anti-Semite!
After years of working with victims of domestic violence, it’s clear to me when I listen to the tapes of Mel Gibson apparently berating ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva (the mother of his child) that we are dealing with a classic domestic-violence situation. The abuser (Mel) has lost power and control over his victim (Oksana), and he continues to verbally abuse and threaten her to regain control. In the latest tapes, he is treating Oksana as if she’s only a sexual object to be exploited by him. He demeans her repeatedly and shows...
read moreMayor Mom Kills Self and College-Bound Daughter … WHY?
The mayor of an affluent Dallas suburb shot and killed her 19-year-old daughter and then turned the gun on herself. The two were found Tuesday evening when the usually prompt mayor failed to show up at a meeting. A letter greeted the police on the front door, warning them of the unpleasant scene they would be encountering when they walked inside the home. Mayor Jayne Peters had worked for the city in some capacity since 1998. Her daughter, Corinne, had graduated from Coppell High School and was looking forward to attending college in the...
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